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A few weeks back I was reading an older post from The Bloggess.  Thinking it would be of interest to Peter and being the super awesome kind person I am, I thought I would share it with him via text.  As always, that’s where it went wrong.  Nobody ever seems to appreciate my generous spirit.  This sums Peter and I up nicely though, on this, the day we celebrate 20 years together.

Me: a post for you – the bloggess

Me: Thought you would totally not appreciate this but appreciate it but not really.

Me: English is more better fun in my head.  Want in?

Peter: ?

Me: Are you questioning the link or my english or the fact that clearly you won’t actually fit inside my head so unless we find a way to shrink you like Rick Moranis did with his kids or like in Archer or Innerspace or holy crap, there is a whole lot of shrinking going on and this can’t possibly not be happening in real life if it so prominent in pop culture cause I’m pretty sure that’s how things work and if shrinking is really going on we should probably tell Jules so she can finally live in Travis’s blood, except that I forget she’s not real sometimes and that’s a TV show and that Courteney Cox is already so tiny I could fit her in my pocket and carry her around like other women do with small dogs and purses, but if she could fit in my pocket than she totally might be able to fit in my head, except how would she get in as all the holes in my head are smaller than the actual capacity of my head.  Plus, my brain is in there.  That’s gotta be taking up a little room at least, but I’m totally losing focus here as I was never trying to get Courteney into my brain in the first place and we were talking about you, and now I sorta feel sorry for bringing it up as this probably isn’t going to happen and now you are going to feel sad about all the awesomeness you are going missing out on by not getting into my mind and I’ve completely forgot what this was about.  I’m sorry, what were you questioning?

Peter: I was questioning who this was given the lack of contact info, but I think I can conclude it’s the woman I love or a shockingly good impersonation of her

Me: Huh.  Questioning who and not your level of love for me.  Well, that’s a first.

Me: Wait.  Maybe you aren’t who I think you are.  Quick!  Share anything romantic I have ever said to you.

Peter: …

Peter: “Seriously?”.  That was kinda romantic

Peter: Almost

Peter: I got nothing else

Me: You are forgetting the time I told you I brought out the trash and it made me think of you.  I don’t think you are prioritizing romantic right, but I will take “seriously?” as my response to your proposal as an acceptable answer.

Peter: Love you

Me: Okay.  There is clearly no need for that level of PDA and by PDA I mean public display of affection, not personal digital assistant or patent ductus arteriosus.

And by public, I mean that I am totally going to put this on my blog cause people should know what I have to deal with and give me all kinds of sympathy.

And by public, I mean the one of two people who read my blog, one of which is you, but as I’m introverted and try to keep my contact with the outside world of people limited, that still seems like a fairly high number and so there’s no need to get all gross and mushy as I fear this will only lead to things like not sitting at opposite ends of the couch with a cat buffer in the middle.  We’re only coming up on twenty years together and I’m just not there yet.  Seriously.  Stop with the pressure already.

Peter: <unsubscribe>

……

Happy 20th anniversary Peter.  Brace yourself…

I love you.

And thank you for not unsubscribing, though I should probably confirm you still follow this.  I might be thanking you for nothing.

I need to go wash my mouth out with soap now.

ps: peter claims I was ‘accidently’ deleted from his contacts as he had phone issues. This happens a lot. I don’t think he knows how phones work.

pps: I’d like to point out that for all the grammer mistakes that where highlighted as I wrote this, not once did it tell me I had a run on sentence.

 

 

 

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